i love life! i have been given so much and i am so blessed. but, let's face it, if i'm being completely honest, there are days when i just feel blah. i get down on myself and wonder what am i doing with my life? and other times i beat myself up thinking, you have so much to be grateful for, stop being lame and grumpy and start being happy!
the last few weeks i've spent time reflecting and pondering. i love setting and accomplishing goals. however, the feeling i get when i set a goal and leave it behind makes me feel rather junky. and sorta worthless. for that reason, i have this battle with resolutions at the start of a new year. there is always room to grow and be better and i think goals are important to help me reach my potential but i just have to find the balance. i don't want to set a goal and constantly stress over it and i don't want to set a goal and forget it by january 17th. sure, i want to shed the baby weight (plus some), i want to organize my medicine cabinet and keep it that way, i want to be more spiritually in tune, and actually hang up some pictures on my naked walls. But, I have one goal for this year: fall in love with myself.
in 2011 i fell in love with my handsome hubby. in 2012 i fell in love with my precious baby. in 2013, i'm going to fall in love with myself. weird... i know. i don't mean it in a conceited kind of way, or a freaky fetish kind of way either. let me explain...
when i met craig i felt so much excitement and joy. i truly felt like i was given a missing part of my soul. when we found out i was pregnant, even if i accomplished nothing in a day, my body was growing a human and that gave me a sense of accomplishment. and now, as i look into my baby girl's eyes each day, i feel like my dream is looking right back at me. my ultimate dream and goal in life has always been to be a wife and a mother. as a wife, i found great purpose and happiness. i love having my best friend for eternity and experiencing life side by side. and yet, because of self doubt and insecurities i am constantly questioning if i am good enough. and now, as a mother, i feel like i am settling into my potential. that nagging question of "what am i doing with my life?" is answered each time i nurse my baby and cuddle her little body as she lovingly smiles up at me. while i feel fulfilled and i know my dreams are now a reality, i continue to wonder if i'm doing things the right way or if i'm good enough. these thoughts and concerns are weighing me down and it's time for them to stop.
in 2013, i'm going to fall in love with myself. i'm going to love the wife i am. i'm going to love the mom i am. i'm going to stop comparing myself to other people and experience my life, the way i choose and through my own eyes. i will continue to strive to be a little better today than i was yesterday. i will set my own definition of "the right way" and remind myself daily i am enough.
i am certain as i find that love for myself the other things will work into place. i will create my own happiness. i will find the peace of being true to me, and loving it.